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HOT COMMODITIES 14 I farmed out my review of the Whitney Biennial to my friend Pedro Velez' site - go to FGA and click on the April 3, 2002 link. Pedro runs the FGA website out of Chicago. FGA stands for Fucking Good Art and consists of all kinds of critical, curatorial and artistic practice with a variety of collaborators. Pedro is a passionate and generous advocate for his fellow artists and is continually frustrated by, well, everything. My favorite thing about Pedro is that he's angry - even angrier than me! I accepted a job offer in Chicago and people like Pedro might make it worthwhile to move to the city of big shoulders. Pedro is fed up with the city though. I'm trying to convince him that we could pool our angry energies together and rule that damn town! So Chicago. Why Chicago? Well, I was offered a full-time job (I currently work part-time) and with a full-time job comes a full-time salary. I can delude myself by listing all the great things about Chicago and all the things I could accomplish there and all the friends and family I have there but it really comes down to money. Here comes a big DUH statement: New York is fucking expensive. In Chicago I’ll make 13 grand more than I do here plus I’ll pay $220 less in rent. I ain’t very good at math but even I can calculate the benefits. Of course Chicago isn’t cool. Well it’s very cool if we’re talking temperature but we ain’t. I’m gonna miss saying, “I’m from New York” with a sneer. I’m very superficial that way. I’m also going to miss the art. Well maybe not the actual art (most of it stinks) but the amount of it. Each month there’s scores of super crappy new shows that I can rip to shreds. The Chicago is scene is small - much too small for a city of that size and the non-blue-chip galleries seem to show the same 20 people over and over again, or worse, the latest hotshots from SAIC. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel. I think the smallness of the scene could be a benefit only in that it’ll be easier to get noticed. I anticipate opening an artist-run space when I get there. Just what Chicago needs, another artist-run space! Except that I will actually court collectors and show artists from outside the city. I love the energy of these “uncomfortable spaces” in Chicago and I love the DIY ‘tude. What I don’t love is the insular nature of the scene. Last month when in Chicago I went to openings three nights in a row and saw the same exact people at each show. And I don’t like the half-baked conceptual art and/or the undercooked painting coming out of a lot of these spaces. Good god, what am I saying? Already burning bridges before I arrive. I am an idiot. But hey, criticism makes us stronger if only to make us reinforce our positions. And if it’s any solace, Pierogi excepted, the Williamsburg galleries, who have a Chicago-DIY-flava, mostly suck, The Windy City's independent spaces are much better. I really, really, really want to stay in NYC but my fantasy life here is quickly morphing into reality. Gots to pay the bills, think about retirement and 401Ks and student loans and hey, I could probably afford a studio wherever I move. I could actually make art again. *********************************************************************************************** So enough about me. Below we talk about architecture, art in Chicago, Chelsea and Soho, and the mind-blowing Andrew W.K. Plus a new feature and a plea from ShitBeGone Inc. The Failure of Architecture I was in Chicago last month for work and stayed in a charming, if ridiculous bed and breakfast in Wicker Park. The photos in this stupid little photo essay were all taken from the b&b's block. I'm sure this is a huge problem in many emerging (read: gentrifying) neighborhoods across the country, but I've seen it's especially acute in Chicago. Developers pay no respect to existing architecture, the neighborhood or resident’s concerns. Cheap, semi-hip, semi-modern cubes plopped over a bulldozed vintage residential structure. Will you yuppies stand up and demand better architecture?
Pia Fries at CRG Gallery, Chelsea
Jack Featherly at Team, Chelsea
Melissa Pokorny at Bodybuilder & Sportsman, Chicago, West Loop
Su-en Wong at Deitch Projects, Soho
Redux at Standard, Chicago, Wicker Park
Monique Meloche Gallery, Chicago, West Loop
Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago
Gaylen Gerber and Stephen Prina at the Art Institute of Chicago
Paper Products at the Evanston Art Center, Evanston, IL
Vedanta Gallery, Chicago, West Loop *********************************************************************************************** POP time! CD Blitz - Dashboard Confessional - The Places You Have Come to Fear Most- Band is blowing up huge right now - two sold out shows at Irving Plaza last week, seemingly popular with only indie rock teenage girls. The press portrays them as everything that’s wrong with emo, pointing mostly to their painful, heart-wrenching lyrics. But if throw away the “emo” label and listen in a larger music history vein, you can hear the Blues, especially in the “that bitch done me wrong” variant, except that songwriter and DC mastermind doesn’t debase himself with such coarse language. He debases himself with incredible vulnerability. And huge melodies, churning acoustic guitars and shouting about “her.” I find it cathartic. Most times in art, such emotional nakedness is embarrassing and cringe-worthy, but it’s palatable in rock. Angst is best served with a loud guitar. Starsailor - Love is Here - One great song (“Good Souls”) surround by middling brit-pop. Not another Radiohead-lite band, but a Travis-lite band. Y’all need to rock a little harder next time. Radiohead - I might be wrong (Live Recordings) - Takes me back to that perfect evening in Chicago last summer where I saw Radiohead put on the best arena rock show ever. Sublime selections from their last two studio-trick laden records, here made organic and human and warm and rocking on stage. Andrew W.K. - I Get Wet - Simply, jaw-droppingly, head-scratchingly, fist-pumpingly AWESOME. And not in that over-used way of saying “awesome, dude.” More like the dictionary definition: Awesome: 1. Expressive of awe (awe: 1. the power to inspire dread. 2. wondering reverence tinged with fear inspired by the sublime) 2. Better than usual: Extraordinary. I’ll say. Stoopid simple heavy metal songs pumped up with cheesy euro-goth keyboards played at triple speed. The sound is just huge and ridiculous. But the song titles, that’s where the fun comes: I get wet, Fun Night, She is Beautiful and get ready for this: Party Hard, Party til you Puke and the monstrous It’s Time to Party. Dude - it’s a polarizing album - got that whole love/hate duality. But it’ll creep up on you. My roommate Jeremy visibly blanched upon first hearing. Now, he plays it daily. Life-affirming party music that I believe has the power to save the world. Next issue I’ll dissect Neil Young’s “Are You Passionate,” Drive-By Trucker’s “Southern Rock Opera,” and N.E.R.D.’s “In Search of…” which so far sound like winners. ***********************************************************************************************
LISTS Paul Kuzma's Top 5 All-Time Karaoke Songs Number 5. The Cure - Just Like Heaven - Candy coated pop, with a dark, British twist. Sing-along factor is very high and it’s a way to work in your high school angst while still looking cute to the boys in the bar. Number 4. I Did It My Way - Frank Sinatra - Ooooohh, this is a four-beer number. A little bit cocky, a little bit tough, and still with that sensitive Frank, lounge singer vibe. Plus, you don't have to sound like Frank to pull it off. Give it the Sid Vicious twist and the leather crowd will love you as much as the yuppies. Number 3. Tie - Thunder Road or Born to Run - The Boss -- So what if you don't know all the lyrics, just nail the opening line and you're an instant hero from there to the end. The boss mumbles half the lines anyway so just keep pointing the microphone at the crowd and don't stop jumping until it's over. Two beautiful odes to everyone who ever wanted a motorcycle but never got one. Number 2. The Replacements - Waitress in the Sky -- Often overlooked, possibly the best sing-along song of my youth. Irrepressible, loving homage to the Flight Attendant in all of us. Of course, most Karaoke bars won't ever of heard of the Replacements, so you can just settle for REMs tongue twisting, fast-talking, lip locking, speed-talking, "It's the End of the World as I Know It" and everyone will feel fine. Fine. Number 1. Journey - Don't Stop Believing -- You'll bring the house down with this pop ballad anthem from Jersey's number one export. Who cares if you can't hit the Steve Perry high notes, the storytelling alone, the themes of lost love, and hopeless optimism, will have the whole bar singing back up for you. Make sure to have a loose cigarette as a prop and toss your hair back to signal the chord changes. Scott Speh's All-Time Karaoke Songs: There's a theme here: Sad, lonely and feeling that “that bitch done me wrong.” 5) Nookie - Limp Bizkit - This is song about pain, not misogyny. "She put my tender/heart in a blender." Unfortunately it's the only way a mook knows how to express pain - to lash out and say something stupid like "I did it for the nookie." And yet it feels so good. Emo it aint. 4) Jack and Diane - John Cougar - Wistful longing for romances done past. Handclaps are neat too. 3) Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes - easily the high point in Ethan Hawke's career as his band careens into this nasty little ditty in "Reality Bites." Why can't I get just one fuck, indeed! 2) I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor - Way too obvious for anyone's list but way too fucking satisfying to leave off a list with this theme. 1) Time For Me to Fly - REO Speedwagon - ultimate kiss-off song. Good to have the crowd help in the two-part harmony in the chorus. Really fun to sing at going-away parties, especially if you're the one leaving. Think of Homer saying "So long Stinktown" when he takes the job with the international terrorist. *********************************************************************************************** And now a plea from ShitBeGone Inc., the world’s best toilet paper:
Dear ShitBegone Revolutionary: Greetings from ShitBegone HQ. Big things are happening here, so I'd like to let you know about some of the changes that are in the works. SHITBEGONE NEEDS YOUR INPUT. Thanks to explosive popularity on the World Wide Web, ShitBegone is entering a process of expansion of both the website and the ShitBegone product distribution network. This will involve changes both to the product itself, and to the ways customers buy, experience and relate to the ShitBegone phenomenon. As an entry point into this process, I have placed a CUSTOMER SURVEY at http://shitbegone.com/survey.html. Whether you have bought ShitBegone yourself, received it as a gift, or just visited ShitBegone.com in the past, I would love to have your input. Your answers will directly affect the next generation of ShitBegone products and services. If you have let friends know about the ShitBegone revolution, please forward them this link so that they too can give valuable feedback on their perceptions of ShitBegone. POSSIBLE CHANGES TO PRODUCT One big reason for the survey is that I am nearing the bottom of my initial ShitBegone inventory. This "Mark I" product, manufactured in the quantity of 12.5 tons in October 2000 by Green Bay Converting Inc. of Green Bay, Wisconsin, is a quilted 2-ply, 420 sheet, single roll pack product. Your survey responses will guide me as I place manufacturing orders for new "Mark II" ShitBegone in the coming weeks. When it comes to toilet paper, what's most important to you? Price? Softness? Recycled content? Convenience of buying? Fill out the survey and let me know. EXPANSION OF DISTRIBUTION NETWORK With the new inventory will also come a new distribution system, with fully modernized contract warehouses operating on both East and West coasts. Increased distribution efficiency and a switch to UPS shipping will allow me to announce improved service, more delivery options, and lower prices in the months ahead. NOW HIRING I am currently looking for an experienced freelance Web developer or development firm in the Boston area to help design the next-generation ShitBegone.com. Experience is a must, and should encompass all aspects of Web and e-commerce development, including graphic design, html, integrated order-processing and payment, java, cgi/perl, and site management. I would also welcome your suggestions for interactive and informational features that you would like to see added to ShitBeGone.com. If you know someone with the experience, creativity and professionalism it will take to build the new ShitBegone.com, please let him or her know! TELL A FRIEND ABOUT SHITBEGONE ShitBegone.com . has experienced a sustained 20-fold increase in Web traffic over the last month thanks to late February link on http://memepool.com. In one week alone we recorded over 50,000 unique visitors. Orders are also up dramatically, but not as dramatically as I would like. Random Web visitors clearly love ShitBegone.com-- but experience shows that word of mouth is the key to creating new ShitBegone customers. If you've used ShitBegone, let someone know about it today! Only you, as a daily ShitBegone user, know that ShitBegone is not a "gag"-- it's a real product, a good value, and a "Revolutionary" everyday solution to your wiping needs. PRIVACY AND MAILINGS I'll look forward to announcing more good news as the ShitBegone expansion develops over the coming months. But if there's one thing that I myself hate, it's junk mail. I never sell or give away addresses, and I will do my best to always keep ShitBegone mailings like this to one per month. If you'd prefer not to receive ShitBegone news at all, just drop me a note with "Unsubscribe" in the title and I will take you off the mailing list. And if you got this as a forward and want to make sure you DO get mailings, be sure to drop me a note as well! Finally, I'd like to take a moment and give you all a "ripple" [applause] for your participation in the ShitBegone Revolution. If you have any questions or concerns about ShitBegone, feel free to let me know!
Sincerely,
*********************************************************************************************** “I know it’s hurts to say goodbye, but it’s time for me to fly, eye-eee-eye” ***********************************************************************************************
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