“It’s not that I still hate you
In fact
I love you now more than I did when you said ‘I Love You, Too’
It’s just that those suits,
standing in front of that fire truck and smoking,
reminded me of what you seemed like last time I saw you
and you looked so bored as if nothing could be exciting.”
It’s just with you
it was like people who wear raincoats when it’s not wet out,
It’s like you played a big name when yours is actually small and inconsistent.
Well I guess I just don’t get you.
But maybe I do because
The last time we got on well you told me you loved me
With the caress of those people who talk about nothing in art museums.
It was in those first few weeks,
when I thought the world was ending.
The cars went by
And stopped
And stared in the middle of the road.
Living life as though nothing had happened
“To be able to do that would be bliss and cheating.
Oh, the place she used to belong hurts.”
Every time I’d think I’d heard her voice
Or seen her back
Happy thoughts were triggered and I’d feel hollow
And those times fell farther behind than birth.
It was my mind so full of empty thoughts,
Night so consumed with nothing,
My sheath of skin only covering angry pangs of painful hollowness.
It was young ignorance,
Like believing one could win against the rip of tides,
And it was lost in youth’s demise and the discovery that the romantics knew nothing,
When the laughing stopped and quiet filled the room upon entrance
“they know why you’ve been gone and no longer wear short sleeves.”
ha!
That moment youth was thrown and stupidity realized.
“Youth is lost when ages gain two numbers
and gossip begins hurting more than fists in schoolyards”
the cliché we talked about having lived through.
“ha!
I don’t hate you like I used to,
I grew up because of you.
How stupid is immaturity
And begging forgiveness for something no one did?”
Reality becomes a part of the vocabulary
and the building feels as though it will never finish,
one is inclined to feel cold
but eventually youth comes to realize
“thoughts are not meant to be left alone”
and the next ten years are like a large lakes horizon
with no edge
but the knowledge there is a shore on the other side.
ha!
It’s just that I was young when I loved you
Only you made me realize
You’re wrong
And childish
And the person you’d never wanted to be
And I’m the one I said I would become.