O judgement.

numerology makes me panic,
just like that time i
burnt my chest with

last night,
i dreamt i'd gotten married.
i was desperately in love.

this woman i met, she read my tarot cards.
criss-crossed them and
told me to calm down,
that my aggression was leading me astray,
that my relationships, they burn out quickly because

on the beach, if you light a cigarette,
it is always windy with the hurricanes offshore,
and the paper eats away like wormholes
and the embers fly
into ash that dissolves
into a million instances
of decay.

i was desperately in love and i knew the dress i'd wear.
it was pearly white and burgundy and
all i wanted to do was put on my makeup but

for the life of me, i couldn't stop crying.
my parents didn't know,
i didn't know. it was intense confusion.

how long would be love?
would we last a year? a few months?

some people fall for me for my wear and tear.
i want you to know that i can't go through with this.