what if i never want to grow up?
or be saved?

god knows god knows,
this is how i've wallowed;
loveless and not longing --
not longing and not lost.
i am weak in the knees with
content.
contentedness? and i
refuse. i wouldst this were
concrete.

i wouldst i were thing.
lithe. boyish.
no matter how many times my skewed
facial structure is called
sophisticated
i wouldst my jaw were square
my hips more narrow.
i wouldst i could now see the face of the man i'll marry,
but they say a wedding for me will be a difficult one.

at seventeen i predict,
suspect,
foreshadow
an untimely divorce.